Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
