Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
