He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
