your parents love me but you hate me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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