these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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