the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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