some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
