You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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