It was confusing and full of hummus
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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