he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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