I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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