I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
