Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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