I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
