Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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