I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
