READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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