I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
