hotel room ftw
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet