Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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