I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love accidental penises.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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