I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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