Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
