I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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