How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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