I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
