she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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