sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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