One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
