Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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