her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize