Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Actions speak louder than pants.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
