I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
