Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
