In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
