It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
