Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
