I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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