the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
