I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
