there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
