Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
