and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
