i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
