My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
