when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
two words...techno handjob
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
