i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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