Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
