Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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