tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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