New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
