I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This baby is an asshole
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
