dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
