So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
