My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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