In the future we'll all be gay
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
