I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come on in and take your pants off
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