sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
