We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
