gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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