The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
