Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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