Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
