My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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