So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
