If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
