why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
