dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize