I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
