A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
