Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
